This time 14 years ago I was extremely ill and extremely pregnant with my first child. I was so ready to meet my first born because I knew caring for him on the outside of my body had to be easier. I had spent the entire pregnancy with morning, noon and night sickness. His cute little Peter Rabbit nursery was awaiting him. There was a closet full of tiny clothes and itty bitty diapers. My bag had been packed for months and all we needed was the little bundle to make his appearance. But this time 14 years ago we were still waiting and we would do so for another 6 long days.
I thought I was prepared. I had all the gear and the basic know how to care for a baby. I had read the books and taken the suggested classes. But there are some things the books and classes can't prepare you for. There is no true understanding on how you will love your child at first sight. How you would go through anything for their well being and happiness. That you will always sleep with one ear listening out for them during the night. And when they are in pain or struggle it is harder for you to watch then it is for them to endure.Just 14 years ago I was not a mother just yet. I did not know yet motherhood would be the best yet the hardest job I will ever do. I did not understand how raising children is like letting your heart walk outside your body. You have to experience this to fully grasp it. Logan will have a birthday on Monday but it is a birthday of sorts for me too. It's the day I became a mother for the first time and I began to fully understand why mother bears act the way they do about their cubs.
While we are singing and having birthday cake my mind will drift back to that very first day of Logan's life. I remember being at the hospital early in the morning to be induced. I waddled my extremely swollen self to the L&D floor of Brookwood Hospital for the final time. The induction soon was underway and the contraction were slowly getting stronger. Brian held my hand and tried to keep the conversation going. It seemed like forever past before I could get an epidural because I was not dilating much at all but the contraction were consistent and strong . The doctor had told the awaiting grandparents it looked like we were headed to an c section for several hours. When he came in an announce we were having a c section I was releaved yet scared. Off we headed to the OR when very soon after they handed over that beautiful chubby cheeked baby boy. He was such a beautiful newborn. I was in love with him from the moment I saw him and I still am today. We've come a long way in 14 years and I look forward to many years ahead.Happy Birthday Logan. I love you!
